“Real beauty lies in the fact that so many are united – not in the negatives of hate and exclusion, so common today, but in the positives of love and inclusion.” - Justice Michael Kirby at the opening ceremony of the 2002 Gay Games

Sexual behaviour is no more justified a place for racial prejudice than any other area of life.

Narrow-mindedness, hurtful speech and exclusionism go against the spirit of Gaydar’s ethos. In our global community there is no place for guys who show little regard for their fellow citizens’ well-being.

If our sexual preferences have had an ethnic or racial bias, we could challenge ourselves to overcome those limits and, if we can, exceed them. We realise that we can’t force anyone to do anything, and it is not our intention to curb your right to free speech, but this should never be at the expense of others.

We are interested in challenging your preconceptions, asking you to think about the effect of your words and actions, the emotions you express, the tone you take with others, encouraging you to reflect on patterns in your own behaviour and what that might reveal to you about what’s going on inside you.

What is Racism?

Racism is fundamentally a set of judgements made about a person, not based on how you perceive the person, but based on generalisations you already believe about all people who share their ethnic background or their country of origin.

Racism is unfair, unethical and damaging to both those who discriminate and those who are its victims. It reinforces the myth that we are separate, instead of reflecting the truth that we are one.

Racism is sadly alive and well in how we talk about our sexual and romantic preferences, and sometimes in how we act on them. Racism in the sexual and romantic spheres of our lives is what we’re calling ‘sexual racism’.

We have fought so many battles over our right to our sexual preferences and many men hold their sexual preferences as sacred – even if they contradict other beliefs they may have. This is confusing because some people who abhor racism in general still racially profile their sexual preferences.

How we can stop Racist Speech

We have noticed that some guys write things like “No Fats, Fems or GAMs” or “Not into hairy guys or GBMs, no offence” or “No whites, sorry!” in the ‘Looking For’ section of their Gaydar profile with the intention of helping increase the number of contacts they want and limiting the number they don’t.

What we don’t think about, is how it feels for other men to read them. Imagine how it feels to read ad after ad that excludes you based solely on your race. Imagine for a moment, that you were in a minority in the country you were born in and kept reading apparently endless profiles saying you weren’t desirable. It just might ruin your day, mightn’t it? Do you really want to help make other men feel bad about themselves?

If we simply make positive, inclusive statements in our profiles, tell people what we do like, and talk politely with people who don’t turn us on, we’ve made a positive change.

Gaydar’s motto is ‘what you want, when you want it’ – so we think focussing on what you are looking for will mean that you will avoid upset for guys who don’t fit the bill and guys who do fit the bill will get in touch with you more often.

Rather than say: “Not into hairy guys” try “Smooth guys are hot” or “I prefer smooth guys”

Rather than say: “No white guys, sorry!” try “Love meeting Black guys”

Rather than say: “No fats, fems or GAMS” how about “Looking for slim, fit, masculine guys – especially Caucasian, Latino and Black guys – HOT!”

Rather than say: “Not interested in pensioners” remember you’ll be one one day, try – “Interested in meeting other guys around my own age”

How we can help challenge Racist Behaviour

Sometimes, we think we’re not into one type of guy, but then we meet that one guy that blows our preconceptions out of the water, unless of course we protect ourselves from ever meeting him. If we never really have opportunities to meet, get to know and get to appreciate guys with different kinds of bodies, different looks, different faces, how will we ever know if we could have found them sexy.

Why not check someone out to see if you find them sexy rather than excluding them without even looking? It’s racially prejudiced to rule out someone for a job based on their race or to keep them out of a pub. Ruling out someone as a potential partner based on their race is just as prejudiced.

Stop Sexual Racism

Many men consider that sexual preference simply can’t, by definition, be racist. We think that’s wrong. Prejudice is prejudice. Racism diminishes us, weakens our community and, let’s face it, means that everyone gets laid less and has fewer chances to fall in love. That sucks.