Terrence Higgins Trust groupwork coordinator Gordon Mundie examines why some gay men feel they behave compulsively or addictively when it comes to sex; and what to do.

A few months back, THT successfully piloted a new 10-week programme of group workshops for gay men who feel that their sexual behaviours have become unmanageable, or out of control. The group allowed men to share their experiences, to learn new strategies which can have a positive impact on their lives and, above all, to support each other.

We didn’t want to label gay men so we instead simply posed the question, "Call yourself a sex addict?" in a series of press ads and posters. The term seemed to be one that gay men understood and were identifying with - and the pilot group was full.

Our 'Call Yourself a Sex Addict?' group work is not about abstinence and it’s certainly not about looking into the possibility of life without sex. We know that people can live without cigarettes, alcohol or drugs. We equally well know that it would be unreasonable for most to live without sex.

So why are some gay men coming to THT for support? Well, we know that excessive drug use and out of control sexual activity often go hand-in-hand: offering periods of longer, harder, more intense, and perhaps higher risk sex. Many men are initially unable to identify the cause of the problems that they are having.

However, over the weeks, the issues that men flag up are many and can include low self-esteem, internalised homophobia, a need to be more assertive and uncertainty about their sexual identity. Sometimes it’s the fact that they would really like a cuddle and find themselves doing something else to achieve the simple experience of intimacy that they crave. However, sexual intensity and genuine intimacy are not necessarily the same thing.

Rather than see their problem as a 'habit' that they would like to kick, many men rather see their lives as being something that they want to regain control of. We help men weigh up the pros and cons of their current behaviours while considering the price that they may well already be paying if their behaviour doesn’t change.

Men on our workshops are actively encouraged to learn and practice new strategies to manage their lives. These will probably include support from a number of untapped sources. For some men, finding someone to talk to from within their own groups of friends, or their family, can offer incredible support. For others, taking the opportunity to work face to face with a counsellor can also yield excellent results.

For more information about THT’s next 'Call Yourself a Sex Addict?' group workshops call 020 7812 1773 or email groupworklondon@tht.org.uk. THT’s project partner PACE also runs workshops for men with similar concerns, called 'Out of Control', starting Friday 26 February 2010, www.pacehealth.org.uk

For more on the issues of sex addiction, and how to spot if you have a problem, click here.